A day in the Life of ….. April 19, 2012

One of my major spiritual goals this year was to deepen my mediation practice by meditating for at least 15 minutes per day. It’s now April and with all the madness around me, I can tell you this has not been the case! however this morning I was determined. This week was rough…I was just too overwhelmed and my to-do list is getting longer and longer.  My days are spent fighting insurance companies, fighting with the government for financial assistance, trying to maintain my job and handling all the chores I need to complete before I leave Florida… I needed some reprieve that did not involve drugs / alcohol.  I have to find that happy place TODAY.

This morning I was determined to find that inner voice for at least 5 minutes before rushing off to the social security office! I set my alarm clock and got to it!  It was euphoric. In all honesty the five minutes seemed like forever, my enormous to-do list kept bombarding my thoughts but I was determined – while listening to my breath my reaffirmation for the day was all about living my life with love … to exude love, to only think positive things and try to be a light to anyone in path for the day despite my circumstances. Man did I need that!

Before I even got to work I found out my HR Manager shared a very personal email about Mekhi to the entire organization! I was devastated. Emotionally I wasn’t ready for that kind of attention from so many people. I felt naked. I  tried my luck with social security only to learn that because I have more than $2000 saved I probably won’t qualify for any monetary assistance!! what?!? (yea america skewed). I tried to get a cheaper pre-transplant medication for Mekhi only to learn that a 10 day supply is $231… multiply that by 3… uh?!? The car I’m driving needs some serious mechanic work and I’m praying that’ll last me till May… then I sputter in to work at almost midday to clear my desk #drained. I work 9-5 everyday, I teach 3 nights a week, come home to cook, spend time with Mekhi… get some of his reading done ( i officially pulled him from school as his immune system can’t withstand any illnesses right now), read a bed-time story then put him to bed so i can do teacher planning, mark grades etc then back at it again.

Tomorrow I find my happy place again and I start over with no regrets. Just Love

Everything for a Reason … March 23, 2012

Over the years I’ve learnt to live by the principle that everything happens for a reason …. there are no mistakes in life. You are exactly where you need to be physically, spiritually and emotionally until you’ve learnt from the those experiences then move on…

When Mekhi was diagnosed with Fanconi Anemia in 2010 I was devastated. I bawled for a few weeks, nyam down the place for a few more, diagnosed myself with clinical depression, checked myself in with a shrink and then questioned every deity under the sun. It took me almost 2 years to come back to my center and realize this is not by chance. Over the past two years I’ve become closer to my family, gained more appreciation for what it means to have true friends and greater yet have greater appreciation for life.

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man.Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never lived.”

So today I express gratitude for what it is i am to learn over the next few months.